dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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