Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
