cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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