he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
