When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
