I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
