yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
