The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
