well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
