i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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