They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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