Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just pee around me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
