guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
