hotel room ftw
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
