i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
