I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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