Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
