so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
