i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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