Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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