i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
