Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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