I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
