my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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