Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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