Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
