Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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