I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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