He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
