he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
