Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this boner is exhausting
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
