M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
