I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
