There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
