My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
too bad you live with your parents still
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
