C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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