So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
