I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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