Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
