his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
