Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize