I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
