how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
