The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
