If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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