I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
