She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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