can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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