I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
