Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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