He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
