Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
