yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
