Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
