I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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