yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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