To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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