we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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