y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
