We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
