Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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