I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
