I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
