if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There r osticjed everywhere
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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