all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
