It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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