so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
