kristin has been a bad kristin
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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