Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
