my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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