I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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