coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize