mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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