WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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