why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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